15 Month Reflections

A look back, one year ago:

December 7, 2008

Fast forward to the present:
December 2, 2009

What a difference a year makes...

Today, December 6, 2009, Peyton is 15 months old. If I could make time stand still right now, I would. This moment is magical.

I'm so thankful that I finally feel well and rested and can truly enjoy how much I am enjoying being a mother. I know that sentence sounds awkward, but I mean what I said. Now that I'm well and can look back on the last year, I realize how sick I really was. I know I was happy and joyful and thankful and all the things I am now, but I was also really, really sick and worn out and to be frank, I was not thinking and feeling clearly. My head was in a fog. To quote a friend, who recently described my kidney stone as a "giant petri dish" growing inside of me, it's no wonder I was so lack luster. And all the more surprising to me (comparing how I feel now, to how I felt even a couple of months ago before my surgery) that I didn't realize something was seriously wrong much sooner than I did. But alas, it is what it is.

Recovery was slower than I anticipated and left me doubting and wondering if I might ever feel normal again. Then, a few weeks ago while Steve and I were on a walk and I was talking nonsense, nonstop, while keeping a brisk pace, Steve stopped me in my tracks. We endured a long pause before I emphatically interrupted, "What?!" "You're back! The old Katie is back!" Steve declared. My lips formed a smile. My heart lurched. He was right.

Several times since that day, it's hit me like a ton of bricks and I've had thoughts: A year ago I wouldn't have been able to have this conversations about future planning, dreaming, hoping; Even a few months ago, I couldn't have done what I just did; A few weeks ago, I wouldn't have been able to fully enjoy this; Today, I'm me. I'm well. I'm rested. I'm able to feel the happiness in my heart instead of just know it was there. It is probably this small change that makes the biggest difference and is what I am most grateful for on Peyton's 15 month birth date. The ability (when I remind myself) to be present in those magical moments of a 15 month old.

For the record: At his healthy check-up yesterday he weighed in at 21 pounds! This was good news for us since weight gain has been a small concern of ours for the past 6 months or so. It also was a dramatic increase from even his 12 month check-up. Peyton has once again made a place for himself on the growth chart (barely) at: 10th percentile for weight, 15th percentile for height (30.25 inches) and 50th percentile for head circumference (18.03 inches). He still has one clogged tear duct that causes an on again, off again, gooey/infected eye. Both were clogged when he was born. One unclogged itself months ago. But, this other one, despite lame attempts to massage it, just won't fix itself. It's time to visit a specialist and so that is our next step. Other than the eye, Peyton is meeting all his benchmarks and is one happy and healthy little dude.

What a difference a year makes...in so many ways!