Stranger in the Night

I feel like a stranger in my own home during the night hours. Our sleeping arrangements have been an on going dilemma since we brought Allison home and everyone in this house is a light and finicky sleeper (at least they get to sleep)! I tiptoe around the house like I'm on egg shells afraid the littlest squeak, let alone loud piercing cry, will wake the whole family up. It's cold and lonely. I never know which bathroom to use, always wondering who's sleep I'll disturb and I certainly don't have a comfortable place to sleep. Yep, I'm a stranger in my own home, at night.

Where do I sleep?

Do I sleep in the chair in the baby room? It's comfy enough for a light, head-bobbing, neck kinking snooze - much like sleeping in a car or an airplane.

Do I sleep on the couch in the living room? It provides a nice alternative to the bed since I can actually lay down and stretch out...if I throw the mountain of clean laundry that has somehow become an almost permanent fixture on one end of the couch onto the floor. Feasible, but disruptive on both ends of the night. Steve stays up later than me working the first night shift, and Peyton wakes very early - cheerful, but early.

Do I sleep in my own gloriously warm and cozy bed? Sure. So long as I can be certain that I won't wake Steve. Which I can't guarantee.

Peyton spent one night at Grama and Grampa's. I slept in his toddler bed. Not a bad alternative...

So, where, oh where, do I sleep?

I don't. Problem solved.

Well, I do, just not much. But where?

Here I am. It's 3:00am. I started the night, like most nights in my own bed. I fed Allie one last time and then passed her to Steve to complete her transition to bed, or "seal the deal" as we jokingly call it. This is my time. I can do anything I want, uninterrupted. I choose to sleep. I usually get 3-4 hours, if I'm lucky. Since I can finally let go of responsibility I actually get to fall into a nice, relaxing (albeit short) sleep. Once I'm up it is usually a tedious, frustrating, and lengthy ordeal to coax Allie back to sleep anywhere other than in my arms. I'm often up for 3 hours. Tonight, bedtime was at 9pm. I was up again at 12:30am. Allie and I managed 2 feedings and 3 failed attempts at transferring her back to the crib (although I haven't heard a peep for over 15 minutes, so I might have a small victory, at last). I often spend some of this time dozing in the chair in Allie's room, eye rolling, fly catching and head bobbing. I can't say for certain if I did much of that tonight. Once she is indeed asleep, I begin to wonder where I shall pass the remainder of the evening and if I will be sleeping at all? This is a dangerous time. If I try to tiptoe back into the bedroom and sleep in my bed, I risk waking Steve. Once Steve's up anytime after 3-4am, he's up for good. If I choose to sleep on the couch, I'll likely be up at 5am, Peyton's likely wake up time.

So, where do I sleep?

I don't. Problem solved.

Suddenly, reality just hit. I won't be making that tough decision anytime soon. I hear Allison once again crying out from her room. She's realized she's in her crib, cold and lonely. My work is not done. I guess this makes for 4 failed attempts at transitioning her to the crib. Maybe I'll try putting her in the swing in the living room (she sleeps well in there during the day), but it's next to the couch, my likely resting place. Or, maybe I'll give in to her wishes and just let her sleep in my arms. Either way, it doesn't look like they'll be much more sleep for me tonight.

So I'll close with, good morning! I wonder what adventures today will bring?